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On a blanket from Taiwan
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU
On a Taiwanese shampoo
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE
On the bottletop of a (UK) flavoured milk drink
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT
On a New Zealand insect spray
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS
In a US guide to setting up a new computer
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORDGUARD INTO ANAL DUCT WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FORAPPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
OPEN OTHER END
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING
On a bag of Fritos
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY DETAILS INSIDE (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP (And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING (Are you sure? Let's experiment)
On a Korean kitchen knife
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinesemade Christmas lights
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY (As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE (Now I'm curious)
On Sainsbury's peanuts
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS (I'm glad they cleared that up)
On a Swedish chainsaw
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS (What kind of consumer phonecall led to this warning?)
On a child's superman costume
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On some frozen dinners:
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
FITS ONE HEAD
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY
On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine:
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY
